The Hope


Andrew Fulton – Age 34

 April 9th, 2261 – Sec. MR5-91, Virginia:

For the past few months now, the weather has been unnaturally cold. It’s April for God’s sake. There has been news of people dying in Russia and Canada… I don’t really know how to feel about the whole thing. I’d say it’s probably around 28 degrees Fahrenheit out today. My thoughts are really all over the place; I don’t know what’s happening with the earth. Everything has begun to die, and I fear there wont be any life much longer. Things started to really pile up after the Gas War in China in 2180. I can remember seeing pictures of the practical embodiment of death. Thousands of people, or rather, millions in China were dead. They all had those damn masks over their faces. You couldn’t even tell what they looked like. I want to weep for these people. Seven hundred of their towers collapsed last week; I couldn’t believe it. All those years of work were for nothing now. The towers in America still look fine, which is quite fortunate. I heard that things weren’t looking so good up north, though. Lloyd said that five towers collapsed in Canada yesterday, and a cousin of his died… what a shame. That wasn’t even too far from New York either. I hope dad’s alright. Things seem to be going downhill pretty fast.

May 10th, 2261 – Sec. MR5-91, Virginia:

Three million people gathered in Germany and committed suicide yesterday. We saw the whole thing. Everybody saw; it was fucking horrible. I can’t say I’m not becoming depressed myself. It’s beginning to look like sunset all the time. Apparently, nineteen towers in Canada, and six towers in New York and Pennsylvania collapsed yesterday. I barely want to live. It’s so hard to sleep now, and I can’t go outside. I’ve been injecting myself with small doses of morphine over the past two weeks. I hope dad’s alright, and I hope the kids are fine. I’ve been thinking that I’ll take the Railix over to Margret’s and see the kids. Ever since the divorce, they’ve been upset, and how could I blame them. I’m just the same. They like to keep away from reality, staying in those virtual landscapes. They don’t even get up for half of the day, but hell, I don’t want them to see what it looks like outside. It’s only a matter of time now.

 May 11th, 2261 – Sec. MR5-91, Virginia:

As leaked today, the government has been working on an experimental form of protection since 2232. How the hell do they keep it a secret for that long? I don’t even know what the fuck it means… they say it’ll stay in orbit, further than a satellite. I hate going up there. If they send me up there again, I’ll snap. Down here, however, I just can’t seem to get things straight. Wherever I am, I’m not safe; none of us are. It looks like I’m going to be stuck on this fucking morphine for a while, but who cares; we’ll all be dead in a month. I think it’s clouding my brain. It hurts like a motherfucker when I run out. I started vomiting yesterday because I ran out; I was sweating, too. I had to scream at the EMTs to get the fuck out of my room. You stub your fucking toe and they’re up your ass. Anyways, I’ve decided to go see the kids next week. Hopefully they’ll want to see me. Life is gray. I’ve sat in this room for weeks now and I don’t think I can take it much longer. I can’t really see the sun anymore. I sleep through the only time it’s out. People have started to move down south… to where, I don’t know. The Railix is jammed tight, but since they’re all headed south, I should be able to see the kids without a problem. It was snowing when I woke up, and it was dark. I can’t believe this is happening.

 May 19th, 2261 – Sec. MR5-91, Virginia:

I’m going to see the kids today. My God, how I miss them. We used to have a four-person block. It was big enough for all of us, and then some. Now I’m stuck in this fucking one-person block. The walls are gray, the sun is gone, and I’m not sure if I’ll off myself soon or not. My watch says the Railix is real tight anywhere south, but the Kentucky towers aren’t too far from here. Speaking of towers, twelve more in New York and sixteen in the Great Lakes Union collapsed today, and I haven’t heard anything from Canada, but I know damn well that they’re fucked, Russia too. I’m leaving for the Railix now. I don’t know how long I’ll be there, probably only an hour or two. I hope the kids recognize me.

I got back an hour ago from Kentucky. The kids barely even wanted to see me. Margret is just as much of a bitch as she ever was. She kicked me out after I tried to convince Max to stay with me. I cried the entire way back here. I love him so much; I love them both so much. This pain is unbearable. I just want some goddamn company. I don’t want to die alone.

 May 22nd, 2261 – Sec. MR5-91, Virginia:

They put it into space today; whatever the fuck it was, it was loud. I saw a picture of it, and it looks like a goddamn mirror… or a collection of mirrors… I hope it can save us. They said it’ll begin orbit early tomorrow morning. I’m so scared. I can’t stop breathing fast. I don’t know if I’m sick, or if it’s the morphine fucking with me. I can’t stop it. I passed out and hit my head on the desk yesterday. The EMTs told me I hyperventilated and gave me a tank of oxygen. Fuck those fucking people. I talked to dad this morning. He said everyone above the Canadian border is dead. He said he was scared… my father. He wept on the phone, and I wept with him. Dear God, what the hell is going to happen to us. I told dad I would see him this week. After all, I’m not sure how long he’ll last in Boston. I’ve heard that the oceans are freezing.  But I don’t know what to think of it.  I’ve heard everyone in Russia is dead.  But I don’t know what to think of it.  I’ve seen pictures of towers collapsing in Germany, France, China, and Greece just to name a few.  But I don’t know what to think of it.  Apparently there’s a parasite in India now. It’s a quick death, but God, I’m scared.  I’ll keep feeding myself the morphine.

It’s becoming hard to see outside, with the snow and all. The wipers clean the mirror ceilings, but only for a little bit. It’s just me and my thoughts here, alone, deserted, left for dead. I’m worried I might do it tonight, but I need to see dad… one last time.   I miss you, dad.

 May 23rd, 2261 – Sec. MR5-91, Virginia:

I went and saw dad today. I left early this morning. Railix security was all over me of course, because of my “impulsive” decision to go see him. He didn’t look so good. I asked him a million times if he was okay, and he always said yes. Dad said he wasn’t leaving Boston. I can’t believe it. He’s too stubborn to leave the city, and he’ll die there because of it. I think he’s ready to go. Christ, ever since mom died, he’s barely been able to make his way. It makes me want to cry, but I know that’s what he wants.   I just can’t let go of him. My entire life he’s been my dad, and my friend, too. I can’t bare the thought of him leaving… but if that’s what he wants, I understand. I’m becoming accustomed to the morphine, but damn it still feels good. I’ll play the waiting game now; hopefully it’ll all give out soon.

May 30th, 2261 – Sec. MR5-91, Virginia:

I saw it today. The thing… whatever the fuck is in the sky… it’s here. I heard that it could be seen, so I headed to the top of the tower, along with thousands of others. I saw it peek over the horizon before heading directly over us. I must say… it was beautiful. I’ve never seen anything in my life quite like that. It floated above us, looking like a giant mirror. It bent, or it was bended. I have no clue as to what this thing may be doing. It seems to be purely experimental almost. But my God, what an experiment it is. The horizon from what seemed like a far away land gleamed upon its figure, handing us the sunset. It had an orange and red glow, fragmented by the small lines across the satellite. Thousands of people at the top of the tower could not say a damned word collectively. It was so warm, too. I was hoping the dome would be lifted, so I could see this creature in all of its enthralling gorgeousness. It reflected on us, the reflection of ourselves, the reflection of our mistakes, success; it reflected the seas, the clouds, and the mountains. But so quickly as it was here, it was gone. I have faith in this thing, and so does everybody else. None of us want to die.

 June 3rd, 2261 – Sec. MR5-91, Virginia:

It’s falling apart. All of it is falling apart. It’s burning and dying, there in the sky. I couldn’t help but watch. It fell in pieces. I’m sure it killed some. I hear that the kids are okay… but dad’s dead. I don’t know what to think of it. I’m cold, and the tower’s cold. Six people here have killed themselves since the death of our new hope. I fear that I’ll do the same.

-E.L.

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